I confess

I envy people with big familys. Let me explain. Growing up I was an only child. My parents divorced when I was uber small (yes, I just used the word uber). I was young enough to not remember them being married. Now, let me make it clear that I never had a problem with this. My mom raised me, and I saw my Dad a few weekends a month, and it was pretty much all I ever knew, so it was never a big issue in my life. Plus even at a young age I knew how incredibly polar opposites my parents were and could understand the advantage of them not living under the same roof. No big deal. My parents eventually remarried (other people obviously). My Mom 6 yrs ago, and my dad around 15 years ago. My Dad had 2 more daughters. Ady, age 8, and Alyx, age 6. I love the girls to death, but I think they feel more like nieces than sisters being that I never lived with them and they are 20 yrs younger than yours truly. My Mom never had any other children, but married my super cool step-dad who had 3 grown and gone children around my age. The point of this being, it was just my Mom and I for the majority of my life, and I never had a problem with it. In fact, a lot of my friends came from big familys, and when I was younger and would hang out at those friends houses I would quickly get overwhelmed with the amount of people and lack of privacy, and would leave grateful that I could go back to my quit home, with my privacy, and my freedom to do my own thing because I had complete reign of my own house. Didn't have to share a thing with anyone.

Cut to a few years later. I get married, get pregnant, give birth to the amazing Ms. Chase,and then it hits me. I'm kindof lonely. I kinda wish I had some siblings. And I look at my daughter and realize she is going to miss out in the cousin department, and I have kindof missed out to. All of the sudden I was incredibly jealous of friends who had sisters and brothers. Am I crazy? Maybe.
In church this last Sunday, I over heard someone talking about how grateful she is that all of her kids are raising their kids togethor, and there it was again. That pang of jealousy. And then I read the latest post on cjane, and once again I am envious.
Looking back it would have been so nice to have a sister to talk to, because lets be honest, some things you just can't talk to the parentals about. For those of you who do have that, consider yourselves lucky. And although I was raised as the only one and I was happy, I hope that Chase's childhood will be different. It took having her to make me realize this.
So, I am all about the big family. When Chase gets older and needs something other than parental advice she will have her siblings to go to. And although she may never have the privacy, and the quit, and the endless amounts of alone when ever she needs it while living at home like I had, I hope that Jamison and I can give her what I now realize would have been so awesome to have.

P.S. I would like to keep a small portion of my sanity, so when I say big family I don't mean 8 kids big. I am talking like 3 to 5 kids big.