And then he was 1.

When I found out I was pregnant the second time I new it was a boy. I don't know how but I just couldn't picture another girl. When I tried to imagine another baby girl it didn't quit feel right...but when I pictured a boy, I just new. It was like a puzzle, and picturing a baby boy addition to our family was like the piece that fit so perfectly....if that makes sense.

I wasn't surprised at all when the ultra sound confirmed it.

July 10th.

I so clearly remember the day he was born. I remember sitting in my Mom and Step-Dad's back yard watching Chase jump on the trampoline. It was that time of evening when it was just barely starting to cool down. It had been a blazing hot day. And blazing hot is especially uncomfortable when you are nearly 9 months pregnant. I remember getting this overwhelming feeling that he was ready to come. That he was coming that day. Within 30 minutes I had my first contraction. It was big. It was painful. I'm not sure what I was expecting. Maybe an easy birth like Chase's was. Something I could manage. But this pain was almost unmanageable. Within an hour there was almost no space between the contractions and we were on our way to the hospital. And this time it wasn't as easy breezy as it was the first time I did it. This time I was reminded of the movies where the wife is screaming at the husband to drive faster. Over and over I told Jamison I couldn't do this. "You need to drive faster, I can't do this, you need to drive faster, I can't do this".

We got to the hospital and checked in. Jamison started making small talk with a nurse about a family member who also worked at LDS in maternity and if this particular nurse new her. As he was trying to remember last names of so and so that worked at the hospital, and turned to me wondering if I remembered, I had the overwhelming desire to scream. To tell all these people to stop everything they were doing and HELP ME. I was in more pain than I could ever imagine was possible. I wanted an epideral and I wanted it NOW!!!

Finally in the hospital bed I was doing every thing I could to somehow handle this insane pain I didn't think I was capable of handling. Jamison kept asking what he could do to help me. I turned into that wife. The one who says "don't touch me, just stop talking". I wondered how many times that exact phrase has been said to husbands in that very room by women who were trying with all there might to deal with the pain. I didn't want any distractions. I just wanted to close my eyes and deal with it alone. To tune the world out.

When the epideral was finally given (it seemed like forever I waited), I remember the women who gave it to me specifically told me to hold very still, and curl into a ball. She told me that I would get the urge to suddenly jerk when she inserted the needle, but if I could, to resist it.

Not only did I jerk, but I think it may have looked like I had a minnie seizure. I scared Jamison, the nurses, and the anesthesiologist half to death. Then we all just burst out laughing.

I didn't think it was possible to laugh so hard while you were trying to handle such intense pain....but incase you were wondering, it is.

Then the sweet release of being numb.

A few minutes later the nurse tells me that because my doctor is running late (my doctor had just returned from a carribean cruise that night), she was sending in another doctor to break my water.

When this doctor walked in Jamison and I looked at each other in surprise. The kid looked like he was 17. But when your at that point in labor modesty doesn't much matter anymore. And if its some 17 year old doctor thats going to hurry this along then so be it.

Then it all happened so quickly. Not like Chase where I was in labor for hours and hours and hours. He was ready to come and he was coming now.

My doctor got there just in the nick of time. She told me to start pushing.

After the first push I was informed by my doctor that our baby boy did indeed have red hair.

A couple pushes later and he was here.

How do you put into words that moment when you first meet your child? I remember almost every detail of both my kids births. I have no other memories that are so clear.

Its like all the sudden you see the world in a whole different light. Its not about you anymore. Its about these little people. You just know. Just like that. You say "I would give up anything and everything for this person I don't even know yet."

And you thought you new your capacity to love. But you are so wrong. Because the love you feel at that moment is so intense, and so amazing.....I can't put it into words. I could try for 10 pages to do it...but even then I don't think I could.

Then I blinked and a year had gone by.

The Party.

Chase and Cohen.

The favorite present.

At 1 year old:

He says "op!" (meaning stop), and "go!" and "mama".

When asked what a lion says he will roar. Its beyond cute.

He walks like a pro and has been doing so for almost a month.

He has a temper to match the red hair.

When he gets mad he hits. Its really funny to watch, and even funnier when hes doing it to you.

He will literally carry on a conversation with you in his giberish baby language.

He adores his big sister.

He also does what brothers do best and torments Chase to no end.

I am in love with his curly red hair, and the little curls that are visible behind his ears.

And those blue eyes! How did he get blue eyes from 2 brown eyed parents?

He pretty much always has a bruise or goose egg on his head, and scraped up knees.

Happy Birthday Cohen!

photo by scott heffernan