Chase's goofy face, me pretending to be serious.
Chase: "Mom, I have to tell you something."
Me: "OK"
Chase: "Mom, it is important."
Me: "OK"
Chase: "I need a little sister."
Me: "OK, well maybe some day you will have a little sister."
Chase: "Calm down Mom."
Me: "Ah OK. I'm not mad. Why do I need to calm down?"
Chase: "Just calm down and get me a little sister."
Me: speechless
This is just one of the many conversations we have had about this little sister Chase wants.
I keep telling her she just needs to enjoy her little brother because who knows when/or if she will get a little sister.
So all this talking about a little sister has got me to thinking about a baby #3. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't think I will be getting preg any time soon, but I kid you not every time I think about having another baby I get serious anxiety. Anxiety about breast feeding....do you realize what a nightmare it was for me with both my kids? Because it was.
A. Huge. Nightmare.
I want to be one of those many women who have no issues with it. With Ms. Chase I made it for around 9 months, the first 3 of which really really sucked (no pun intended). When Cohen came around I thought to myself "Oh, this will be cake. I did it with Chase...its got to be easier this time around." It was actually ALOT worse. I only lasted about 2 weeks.
Let me explain why. Pain, serious pain. Infection. And serious wierd emotional feelings every time I would breastfeed. I thought breastfeeding was supposed to be this amazing moment with your baby where you are sharing this emotional connection. It seriously made me depressed. Is that normal? I would be fine, then start to breastfeed, and get so overwhelmed and weepy. I hated every minute of it. Now top off all the crazy emotions with intense pain, and I am ashamed to admit it was more than I could handle.
But....heres the thing. I am all about breastfeeding. I still to this day feel overwhelming guilt that I couldn't do it with Cohen for longer then a couple of weeks. Since then I have tried to research things that might make it easier when baby #3 comes along (which, let me remind you isn't any time soon). Things you can do to prepare so the pain isn't so intense...stuff like that. My question is, does anyone have any suggestions? Because I am open for anything. I refuse to give up with baby #3. With both my kids my goal was to breast feed for 12 months...and although I made it almost 9 months with Chase, it was rough the whole time. And, as a side note, the nurses at the hospital with both my kids were really no help at all when it came to breast feeding. They all had the same text book suggestions and nothing helped, and before Chase was born I did take a class.
Is there some super secret thing that I'm missing? Some great suggestion you have that will make all my breast feeding issues disappear into the air? (and yes, with Cohen we bought a fancy/expensive electric breast pump. It did not help the situation in the least.)
And just an FYI, this post was just supposed to be a recap of the conversation Chase and I had, but then I went off on some breastfeeding tangent, which is weird because I'm not pregnant, nor do I have plans to be anytime in the near future. Seriously just typing the conversation made me think about another baby, which brought back all the anxiety.
Just call me baby breast feeding basket case.
Just kidding. Please don't.
Oh, and one more side note. I am lucky to have my babies. Breast feeding issues and all, I am lucky. I know there are people out there who would deal with 10 yrs of breast feeding issues just to have a baby.
K, I just re read that and sorry for the image that I may have put in your head. I really hope no one breast feeds their child for 10 yrs. Gross.
6 comments:
Shoot...I'm not the person for adivce, beacsue I would just say dont do it at all...I tried with hadley...same thing-crazy emotions, so much pain and blood and a lactation nurse staring at my boobs with the worst look I have ever seen...I hated being a mom trying to breastfeed..baby #2-I bottle feed from the second he came out-oh my ...such a different experience- I loved everything about my baby and being a mom from the begining-I was happy, my baby was happy, my family was happy. So I made the choice to not try with #3 and guess what-we are happy-I seriously almost gag just watching moms breastfeed, or talk about it-the bad memories/feelings come back to haunt me! I'm not against it it at all-if it works for you great-it didnt for me-(and I was one of those mom's that thought there would be no other way then breastfeeding-really I did)boy was I WRONG! Anyway, what I'm getting at it-all of my kids are perfectly healthy and happy and have a happy mom to go along with it-dont feel guilty-maybe try bottles from the start and maybe you wont have anxiety when thinging about #3. Thats all-wow...sorry about the venting.(I cant wait for all the hate comments that come after mine, beacause I told you not to breastfeed-haha...I will laugh)
I had a really hard time breastfeeding my twins. I don't know what they teach those nurses who are supposed to specialized in breastfeeding but it seems like they also send us home with no help. I was on the verge of giving up when I went and saw a lactation consultant and she was incredibly helpful. So, that's my advice. Take baby #3 (whenever that is :) to a lactation consultant and beg for help!
1st things 1st, you make me laugh, like hard laugh!
I tried to look on the bright side (if there was one) that the twins were in the NICU for awhile. They have a lactation consultant there around the clock. Obviously twins is different in itself but I wouldn't have made it a day w/out her. Bless her! We made it till 8 months. Nipple gaurds, they are great! Some people say it causes nipple confusion. Khloee wouldn't nurse w/out one (ever) and she breastfed, that was what was important to me. It also protected me kuz she kinda liked to bite. With nipple guard couldn't feel it AT ALL. Also, especially w/ Cohen being only wks old is that if you have severe pain you are probably producing a lot and it isn't coming out kuz he isnt eating much, YET! If your booby gets stimulated & then you don't get emptied & it sits there you get infection. So, after the babies ate I would pump to empty. (A good electric pump, worth every penny). Anyways, this is way to long, lactation consultant. Period. Love them. Happy baby #3 thinkin, you are brave!
Here is the deal, if you want to breastfeed great if you dont great. Since you said you still feel guilty about lasting only a short time with Cohen (which I get totally) then you shoule try agai. Find a pediatrician who is awesome and get a lactation specialist who is not bonkers that can help you. A good electric pump will change everything. But most of all do what feels comfortable to you, if it never feels quite right then bottle it up baby! Also I LOVE chases conversation, priceless.
My friend Tristyn is a nurse and a lactation specialist. She nursed her son for 3 years (but she isn't a weird hippie or anything). Anyway, she is amazing and is a pro at both health care, emotional care, and nursing. When/if you have baby number 3 and you want to nurse, she would totally come to your house and help you whenever you needed it (and because I'm good friends with her, she would do it for free). Anyway, there is help out there and you shouldn't feel guilty for not being able to nurse. There is too much pressure on women to be perfect and do everything a certain way. We as women, should just support each other! Your kids are beautiful and smart, I think you are an excellent mother.
I think it's all about the latch. If the latch is not right that ruins the whole thing and can cause a ton of pain.
Try Chelsea's friend and try going to Lactation Station. I think you should get kudos for trying! I think to not try at all is not cool! We are mammals after all! But just try it out and see what happens next time. Oh and also the more stressed you are the baby can sense it so that could be a problem too. Although, I'm not sure how to "relax" when you have a newborn and are stressing about nursing and doing it right!
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